"If you're gifting a significant amount of money, putting it into a standardized, boiler-plate account might not be the way to do it because that gives them full control of the assets before they might be ready for the responsibility," said Roy L. Komack, an adviser at Family Financial Architects in Natick, Mass.

        Komack suggests using a trust or will to specify when or under what conditions a child gets the keys to the proverbial kingdom. See story about trust funds To determine these requirements, parents should make honest assessments of kids' maturity level, among other considerations.

        "I've seen kids at 14 who are conservative enough to become involved in money management and I've seen adults at 30 who have absolutely no understanding of finances at all," said Jon Gallo, senior partner in the estate-planning department at the law firm of Greenberg, Glusker Fields Claman Machtinger & Kinsella LLP in Los Angeles.

        Some of this may be in the eye of the parental beholders, however. "Some parents say they don't trust their kids with money, while others say their kids are so responsible that they don't even want their parents' money," said Bruce Spooner, a financial planner in Bedford, Mass.

        While these tendencies usually become obvious to parents over time, evaluating financial behavior may call for some candid discussions with the kids to determine their take on money. "The child will know whether they will spend the money or manage it, or if they're not even ready for the conversation in the first place," said Myra Salzer, a financial planner with The Wealth Conservancy in Boulder, Colo.

        The youngster can also be a tie-breaker when the parents disagree about when to grant full responsibility, said Salzer.

Not black or white

        The ultimate decision on children's readiness doesn't require an all-or-nothing approach, at least in some people's opinions. "I think you should phase in the kids' involvement," Gallo said. "As early on as possible, start teaching the kids the basics of investing. After several years of that experience, some point after the children reach 18 or 21, then you make them co-trustees."

        Or, parents could make a child co-trustee for a fraction of the portfolio and increase the proportion over time before ultimately making the child sole trustee.

        Parents could play this by ear based on their observations. Better yet, Gallo suggests that the decision could be made by an independent investment custodian, as specified in the trust document.

        "It's important to convey that money should be earned," said Judith A. Shine, who runs her own financial advisory firm in Denver. "Explain that certain preferred behavior is required in order to gain control of the investments."

        Unfortunately, in some cases that behavior may never manifest itself. The most profound example is the disabled or mentally ill, who require lifelong trusts in order to qualify for federal aid. See story on children with special needs.

        And what about children who exhibit worrisome tendencies to gamble, shop compulsively, take drugs or generally slack off? Gallo cautioned that materialism alone might not be cause for concern, and that addressing behavioral concerns through education may help. The education could include things like watching television together and discussing the materialistic values presented in both the shows and commercials.

        Another neat tactic: get the kids involved in charity. That could even be stipulated within the trust contract as a condition for gaining control of assets, said Gallo.

        But if nothing else works and "you're really concerned about the child spending the money, then keep it in the trust -- a separate one for each child," said Komack of Family Financial Architects.

Brothers and sisters

        Where brothers and sisters are concerned, things become more elaborate. Siblings don't necessarily mature at the same pace, so different "coming of age" thresholds might be best for each of them, depending on the parents' values. Tread carefully when treating siblings differently or other problems will flare up.

        "If you're going to gift to your kids you have to be fair. You don't want to create a war between the siblings," Spooner, the financial planner, said. "However, in some cases, it's impossible to avoid this because siblings can be unreasonable." See story on preventing conflicts among heirs.